The Stars
by Runners
Summary: Bellamy knows about the radiation that will be the end of the world in six months but keeps it to himself like Clarke asked him to do. He sits with people who celebrate the victory and he can't look at them when he knows what's coming. He leaves and tries to find peace in the woods but memories of old, 'good' times hunt him even there.


The Stars

 _It was supposed to be over._ And for some of them it was. Wait no, not just for some of them but for everyone. Soon all of them will be dead. And he can only watch people in front of him being happy that it's over. But they don't know that _it_ _is_ over.

He blankly stares at the fire while people around him talk, drink and laugh. He knows it's unfair. They deserve to know as much as he deserves to celebrate victory with them. But he knows it's not victory.  
They never won anything and with the such small amount of time they have left he's afraid they'll never taste it.

Unable to look at them he leaves the bonfire, hoping no one will go after him, hoping he won't find Octavia.

 _Octavia._

He knew she was angry. He knew she wanted revenge, but he didn't know what his sister has become. He would never call her monster, but the longer he thinks about her the less synonyms he can find. For now she's a stranger, a murderer, an avenger, yet not a monster.  
But she did it for Lincoln.

 _Lincoln._

He knows the grounder wouldn't want Pike to die this way. He was never revengeful. Actually he was the only grounder he could stand. The only one he truly liked. And now he's dead because of him . If he didn't listen to Pike. If he tried to stop him or talk some sense to him…

He shakes his head helplessly trying to focus on something else. His mind comes back to times when they lived in a camp and couple of women were always by his side. He had a different girl in his bed every night and sometimes it wasn't only one.  
But she never was.

 _Clarke._

How much he hated her at the beginning. Whatever he said she had to argue with. She never listened when everyone else only followed all his orders.

And then it all changed. He couldn't even remember the exact moment when she appeared by his side, when he started feeling the need to protect her.

And then he saw she the connection she had to Finn. How mad he was when he learnt he was the one who touched, who kissed, who was with her first. He couldn't bare looking at them.

And then Raven appeared in his tent.

 _Raven._

She was as angry as him if not more. And she told him to kiss her. And he answered with no, because it wasn't right. But they both felt shitty `and when she started asking if she wasn't good enough so he took her, because no man should ever make woman feel not good enough. And Finn did.

 _Finn._

He shouldn't thought of him like he did, but it was stronger than him. Finn had two girls in love with him. They were beautiful. They were strong. And they suffered because of him.  
Bellamy clenches his teeth.  
One of them Bellamy took in the most delicious way. Meaningless and disagreeable with both of them, but still delicious.  
One of them he had a thing for.

That's when Finn killed eighteen people, because _he wanted to find Clarke._ Bellamy snorts.  
He killed eighteen people who didn't even know who Clarke was.

No he shouldn't laugh at this. As much as he didn't like the annoying pacifist, Mr. steal-your-girl…  
Clarke killed him so he wouldn't have to suffer. He wasn't the only one.

 _Atom._

Bellamy wasn't strong enough to end his life, even though there was no better option. Atom wouldn't get up, act like his wounds weren't there. Hell, he couldn't even see because the fog made him blind. And he sat by his side, with knife in his hand, trying to end the suffering he himself would never bear.

 _Murphy._

He's the one to stop Bellamy from thinking. No, not the one. They both are. Murphy and that girl… That with one weird hand, not that he judges. He can't remember her name now. _What did Murphy say to me in the elevator?_ He almost immediately hears it – _You're not the only one here trying to save someone you care about._

Whatever the girl's name is Bellamy's happy to see Murphy put his arm around her, kiss her and look at her like she's the last glass of water left on Earth.

Despite himself he turns into another direction with a smile on his lips. Who would believe Murphy would be the one that made Bellamy forget all his worries at least for few, brief seconds.

He looked for a rock to sit at but when he decided it was too dark to find _anything_ he capitulated. Sat on the cold ground Bellamy tried not to recall bad memories anymore. Probably that's why O had to appear couple of minutes later.

He stood up right away when he heard the noise of breaking branches. Pulling the gun out of his jeans he aims at the place where the noise came from.  
"What are you waiting for, huh?" Her voice is husky and also angry. He remembers when it was soft and scared. When she cried because she blamed herself for their mother's death. Now she only thinks of it as his fault. Because he was the one to take her to 'that stupid dance'. Now she only speaks to him like he was the biggest monster in this word. Because in her eyes his guilty of everything.

His throat's completely dry and when he swallows it feels like sandpaper. He doesn't know what to say. She feels so unreal. Everything does.

"I don't want to do this now O." He says and turns away.  
The training with Indra must have been really tough and (as much as he hates to admit it) successful considering she reaches him after several seconds.  
"But you will." She roughly catches his arms and makes him face her.  
"Or what?!" He screams in her face. "You'll beat me up again?! Then go on before someone overtakes you!" For the first time in months he sees his sister in pure shock, it doesn't last for long but he will keep the picture of it in his mind.  
"There's no one left to overtake me, thanks to you!" She yells when she comes to her _senses._

 _Once again about the grounders._ He thinks. The blame is on him. He killed three hundred people. But he just wanted to protect _his_ people.  
He thought he was doing the right thing, but in this word nothing is ever right.

"Why are you doing this?" He finally whispers. He's done listening to her if he doesn't know the reason of her talks.  
"What?" He hates that she's confused. They used to understand each other so well.  
"Why do you _only_ blame me?" He wants to screams but finds the last drop of patients in himself. "Okay, I killed hundreds grounders, I killed all people in Mount Weather and I killed another three hundred grounders, but I did that to protect my people. To protect you!"  
"Oh, so you protected me when you tortured Lincoln? After he saved me!"  
"I had no choice!" His rage gets the best of him when his voice scares birds away from the trees that surround them. "Finn would die, because Lincoln didn't want to tell us which phial was the cure! I saved Finn-"  
"No, I did! Without making Lincoln suffer."  
"I tried to save my friend!" He erupts.  
"He wasn't even your friend." She's right, Finn was never near being one of Bellamy's friends, but he couldn't just let him die. He tried so hard to make Lincoln talk without using tortures but at the end he didn't have a choice.

He looks at her and doesn't see his sister anymore. He will never call her a monster, but from now on he will call her one of the grounders. And after all they did to him and his people they're his synonym of monsters.  
"Why are you here, huh?" He asks. "If I as well as everybody else left here aren't your family, your people then why don't you just join grounders or whatever they call themselves?" He stops for a moment to let her think of an answer and just when she's about to shout at him again he speaks. "Oh, I know why because they don't care about you, they use you and when you're not needed anymore they leave you behind and still you care about them more than you care about me!"

He turns around and leaves her. He doesn't listen to any of her shouts. She proved she's not trust worthy so many times. She proved she's not his sister so many times.

When he's too deep in the woods for Octavia to find him he rests against a tree. He admirers the scent of the forest as the oxygen fills his lungs. _So peaceful._ He thinks and wonders how long it will last. For past few months he didn't even have time for slow-breathing.  
It feels amazing. Just like silence and peace but the voice reminds him how impermanent those things are. "Bellamy?" Her voice isn't as powerful as always. It's actually calm and hesitant.

He looks at her and notices two cups in her hands. "Were you looking for me?" He guesses at the sight.  
"Yeah, it was pretty easy considering everyone heard your argument with Octavia." He rubs his hands against his face roughly.  
"At least they're too drunk to remember it in the morning." _Hopefully._ He thinks to himself.  
She nods and handles him one of the cups. "I think we also deserve a drink now."

He immediately takes a sip to make sure this one time they actually will be able to drink without any distractions.  
And when none happens he focuses on the sensation the liquid gives him. It deliciously burns when he swallows, leaving his throat with want for more.  
She observes him and when he grimaces she smiles at him. He answers her with "Did you tell your mom?" At first she's taken aback, wondering what he talks about but it's hard to forget about something so huge.  
She shakes her head.

 _Kane and Abby._

Clarke watched as her mum danced slowly in Kane's embrace. She had to tell her it wasn't over. She had to. But she couldn't.  
She tried to think of every think her mum did to her. She was the reason her dad was dead. She let Wells lie to her. She blamed her for death of more than three hundred people.  
And still Clarke can't destroy first moment in few months when her mum is truly happy. She deserves to tell her they're not save yet and ruin the moment.  
Instead she walks away wishing she could have done something to predict Ally's plans.

She called Raven but didn't tell her about radiation. It's not something you tell over a radio.  
She sought Murphy hoping they would argue about something ridiculous, instead she found him with Emory, a girl with a damaged hand. She turned out to be a great company when she shared her drink with Clarke after she noticed her behind the trees.

She left after a while and the couple didn't complain much. Who would blame them though? They haven't seen _real_ each other for quite a while.

For a while she walked through the celebrating crowd and wanted to have as much fun as they did, but she was aware of the end of the world to happen in six months. And just in that moment she realized she wasn't alone.

 _Bellamy._

She remembered how much they fought when they first stepped on the ground. _He and his stupid no rules rule._ She used to think. But behind his behavior was a scared boy who tried to escape the consequences of his sins. And when she learnt about them she couldn't blame him for any of his actions, because fear caused them. And fear awakes the worst in people. So she decided to awakes the best in him. But the best doesn't always mean good.

She remembered how they both made the decision of killing all the people in Mount Weather to save theirs. All this time he stood by her side. However, she decided to leave. She left her friends, her family but as she said when they argued _I knew I could because they had you._

So she ran for months to escape the past. It was supposed to be easier when she didn't have to face the people she saved, but every step further into the woods she took the guiltier she felt. She wanted to according to Bell's phrase _slay her demons_ but she knew she was too weak.

Then Roan kidnaped her and when Bellamy didn't manage to save her she was taken to her.

 _Lexa._

Clarke had put lots of trust in her only to be betrayed. Because of Lexa she had to kill all of citizens in Mount Weather.  
But the more time they spend together Clarke was getting even weaker and she had only Lexa. She had her promises of better tomorrow, her words of love. And then she got shot.  
And once again Clarke was left alone. With no one around who cared.

 _Wells._

She loved him so much. Not in the romantic way and this was one of the best sides of love she had ever seen. She knew he loved her just as much if not more. He sacrificed so much. Even his life. It doesn't matter than he got stabbed and in this particular moment wasn't protecting her.  
He sacrificed just by accompanying her on Earth. By being a punching bag she could yell at when she was too weak to realize the blame was on her.  
He took her mother's mistake likewise hers. And she never got a chance to say thank you, good bye or simple I love you.

When she filled cups with alcohol and some stinky juice the only thing she had to find was her way to _him._ When she didn't find him by campfire and people she asked didn't know where he went she knew he wanted peace and silence. And the only quiet place this evening was the forest around them.

She hoped he would yell or punch trees but she didn't expect to hear him argue with Octavia (not that they hadn't done that a lot recently). She just didn't think he felt _that_ way about his sister. She thought he was the only person left that believed she would come back to her senses but as the argument in front of her grew stronger and rougher she knew he lost faith long time ago.

For a moment she wanted to step in and tell them to stop, but it wasn't her fight. If the Blake's finally decided to face one another then she could just watch. Because there was no way in hell she'd miss it.

When Bellamy turned around and walked deeper into the forest she felt frighten he noticed her but he turned other direction before his eyes could catch hers.  
So she followed him with cold drinks in her hands and when he finally stopped she gained the courage to finally speak.

Now here they are lying on the grass with empty cups tossed somewhere on the ground, staring at the stars. "My dad and I" she starts pointing at the dark sky "used to do that a lot, I mean watching the stars." Her eyes water at the memory of every Saturday's evening spent looking at the space surrounding The Ark. When her dad stood next to her and taught her about horoscope. Now she doesn't even know what day of a week it is.

"My mum" Bellamy turns his head to the sky when he starts speaking, so Clarke wouldn't catch him staring at her. "She used to read me Greek's myths. Mostly Homer's The Iliad."

 _Gina._

She was the first girl he could look at after Clarke left. She was smart, pretty, patient, funny, kind and she was a great listener. She enjoyed the stories about ancient Greece and she even ameliorated it by giving him Homer's books. He remembers when she found The Iliad. Few days before he told her it was his favorite and that his mum used to read it to him.  
This one copy was old and dilapidated but he never got anything so meaningful and precious in his life.

And he didn't protect her from the assassin. He couldn't. He wasn't even there when she got stubbed. _She died before the explosion._ Raven told him. But it didn't make pain go away. It didn't make it easier to forget. _Maybe because you don't want to forget._ He thinks.

The truth is he failed Gina just like he failed his mom. Even O knew that.

"What are you thinking about?" Her voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He turns to his left side to face her.  
"About…" He wonders how to make it sentence sound perspicuous. "all the people I failed." She frowns rethinking his words. Wondering if it's possible for them to think of the same things. "About my mum, Octavia, Lincoln, Gina." He sights. "I failed them all." His gaze falls from her face to the ground he lies on.  
"Tonight I had a lot of thinking." Clarke confesses. "About my mum, dad, Kane, Wells, Lexa… About you." He looks up at her when she weakly smiles. Water appears in corners of her yes. "You're not the only one that failed people you care about." The only thing screaming in his head is her voice as it plays over and over again. _About you._ And. _Care about._

She quickly sits up before he can react to her words. Tears stream down her face and she quickly wipes them away with her hand. "I was supposed to be their princess." She sobs. "And I left them." She looks somewhere in the forest and tries to stop her tears from falling. Suddenly she feels ashamed of them.  
"You did." He sits and cups her hand in his entangling their fingers. "But you left them with their king." He gives her a small smile. "I was there to help them."  
"But I wasn't there to help you!" Her hair hits his face causing him to blink when she turns her head to once again look him in the eyes. "If I didn't give up and run away all of these wouldn't have happened!"

"Clarke." He says softly. "None of this is your fault. If you stayed Jaha would have made you take the chip and then whole human race wouldn't even have a chance to beat him. We would have to surrender if it wasn't for you. You saved us." He brushes her hair away from her face with his right hand. "You're not our princess anymore, Clarke. You're our queen." He can't deny the intimacy of the sentence. He can only wait for her reaction to it.

With her trembling hands she catches his shirt and brings him closer. For a short moment they breath the same air, they lips touch but they don't kiss yet. They wait in silent, taking their time memorizing every moment. And when they can't the pressure anymore, when he puts his left hand on her second cheek they lips connect in a tender, slow and passionate kiss.

On the cool ground, under the stars they slay their demons together. And this time they intend to win.


End file.
